Stuck...

I don't know where it picked back up again....But I just realized that I can block myself off at the most aweful moments. The moments where I need to be the most open, the times where there were a room full of people who love and care, and the times when the tears are sitting on the rim of my eyes....
I have been so fake the past three days, and I think that people are starting to catch on. I am no longer able to have the fake happy smile, and the fake happy everything, because people are starting to look past all of my walls that I have built up.
As I sit in a room full of people: Miranda, Alexz, Tay and Maria are all here, but yet I chose to not talk about anything. Instead, I am keeping in all of the shame and pain that has come up in the past few week inside, and I am not willing to ask for help.
I don't know how to ask for help. I don't know how to just go up to someone and explain to them that all I am wanting is for someone to listen to me...Just to talk to me.
I don't think that I am going to be able to overcome all of my sins without help, but I am still not willing to let someone help me.
I am stuck right now...waiting for someone to come into my life, and help me with all of this. But for now, I am just waiting....I will wait for what it is God is doing, but I need to learn to be patient...