Giving up control has been one of the hardest things that I have tried to do in quite some time. I went on a walk today with Miranda, and most of the time, my own "control" issue dictated the conversation. I wasn't willing to let her in and talk, and she wasn't pushing for it, just waiting.
Half way through our talk, I decided that I needed to do it, and I began to open up...
As we talked, the topic of control came up, and I think that we have gotten a small glimpse of where the control flows from. I will keep working, and see where it takes me.
I am trying to let go of more and more, and at points I can see it working. I am taking my actions and making them my own. Changing goals and motivations, and over all my mind set.
I know that I have said this before, and every time it ends in disappointment. I want to make this time different. I want to change, and let go all the control. In all things in my life.
I am not sure how I will do this, or even if I can, but maybe this time I will use it as a learning experience.
I told Miranda today about my monthly reoccurring crashing points... One is yet to happen at Greenville, but I am just waiting for it... Satan knows that I am just playing the waiting game with it, and it's been on my mind alot lately.
I am making progress, moving forward, and still trying to understand where it is that I need to be focusing on and working on, so as of now I will take things one day at a time, one hour at a time, one second at a time.
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