As I sit here at 2 AM, I have more than thoughts going through my head. I feel like God has been moving and working on my heart, and I am not exactly sure what I am supposed to be doing with all of it. One minute my heart is telling me go, and the next I am letting myself get into the way of what I feel God is calling me to do.
I am not sure where it is I am supposed to be going, or what even I am supposed to be doing, but I am willing to let God have me and use me in His time.
I have been telling myself that no, God's not calling me to do some type of mission work, but my heart is telling me yes. I am praying about it and letting God show me what He is wanting me to do with all of this.
Along with thinking about where God will be calling me to go, I have been working on alot of other things.
Alexz and I had a conversation until 4 AM, the other morning, just sharing our stories, struggles, and celebrations with each other. I have learned that being open is the best way to heal from all of the hurt and pain that we have had in our lives.
She was willing and open, and as time went on, I became more comfortable with her. She caught on to the walls that I have had built up for so long, and began to become a friend, and supporter, and a sister in Christ, that I trusted.
I am working on being more open, and I think that it is beginning to help me heal. The community that it has brought me has been outstanding, and God has been showing me Himself through a lot of people.
I have have my guard up at times, but I am beginning to see the people that God has placed in my life, that I am called to open up to, and let them be a blessing in my life, by being an encouragement.
I am praying that God will continue to reveal Himself to me and where it is He is calling me to go and do, and continue to help me work through all of the pain from the past, and become restored by His love and grace.
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